I accidentally realized that I have a Blog! Fortunately for me, I'm the only one that knows. I was checking in on a favorite blogger of mine Flip, over at the Fire Kathy Sabine blog . I noticed he hadn't posted a blog in over 5 months and was pretty upset. It got me thinking about blogs in general; they are like low class, no invite required social networks. Kind of the PBS of the internet, not that PBS is low class (if it even has a catagory), but more in the line of there is information and even some entertaining stuff, its just that not many people care to watch it.
Blogs are more for the people out there that want to write more than 2 sentences on their Facebook status, or who don't feel they get enough exposure writing their comments at the bottom of the Yahoo, ESPN, or local news station's web site. I know that's kind of what drove me to do this- that and the idea that MAYBE my cynical spin and witty observations might be enjoyed by more people than those forced to sit near me at work (and the people I hold hostage, I mean my family- at home). If you read more than 4 or 5 "news" stories on almost any new source site, like Yahoo, CNN, even local news, you can see that almost every reporter covering the average, mundane stories are little more than mediocre bloggers. They parrot out information with little to no details. I've even seen news reports stating "possible" facts, such as "Large accident on I-25, up to 10 people injured". It's one thing to report the news, it's entirely another to rush to get something in print with NO information. I can listen to a police scanner and get better information!
But, I digress, my purpose in writing this was simply to not "fade away". To show that I might just still have something vital to say; well not NOW, but maybe later. I think everyone is like that in some way. They want to leave a lasting mark, even if it's in the form of lame, personal commentary recorded on the internet.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Random things to think about;
I haven't posted anything in a while- not that all 2 of you reading really care:
When someone says, "You scared me half to death!" -do it one more time for good measure.
Why do we ask "Are you O.K.?" when someone falls or gets hurt?
If it's illegal to drink and drive, why do they ask for your driver's license when you buy liquor?
If they can make transition lenses, why can't they make transition contact lenses?
If antique cars are so valuable, why doesn't your car start INCREASING in value after you buy it?
Why does the post office complain that no one uses the mail anymore and then raise the cost of stamps?
If IRS sends people letters telling them to be patient for their tax refunds, can those of us that owe taxes do the same?
Can a Telemarketer call in sick?
Why do Honey Bees die after they sting you? If it's a defense mechanism, it kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it?
Why do companies file bankruptcy against their creditors but still expect you to pay them?
When someone says, "You scared me half to death!" -do it one more time for good measure.
Why do we ask "Are you O.K.?" when someone falls or gets hurt?
If it's illegal to drink and drive, why do they ask for your driver's license when you buy liquor?
If they can make transition lenses, why can't they make transition contact lenses?
If antique cars are so valuable, why doesn't your car start INCREASING in value after you buy it?
Why does the post office complain that no one uses the mail anymore and then raise the cost of stamps?
If IRS sends people letters telling them to be patient for their tax refunds, can those of us that owe taxes do the same?
Can a Telemarketer call in sick?
Why do Honey Bees die after they sting you? If it's a defense mechanism, it kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it?
Why do companies file bankruptcy against their creditors but still expect you to pay them?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Ways to have fun at work
This is my take on those Innappropriate Behavior emails that tells people how to act strange on thier own time. I feel that most workplaces are too boring, or that people take themselves to seriously and need to lighten up.
The scary thing is that I have actually done a few of these and often it works to make me happy, but sadly piss others off.
Anyway, here is my list;
Just to drive them nuts, send a blank fax to a co-worker's telephone #.
When the person in the next cube goes on break, unplug their mouse.
Find a pad of the "While You Were Out" message pads and write "you weren't here" on them and leave them at people's desks.
Wait until everyone leaves, or come in early and pop off all the letter keys of someone's keyboard and rearrange them.
Hand out "bathroom passes" to employee's and tell them, "This is the only one you get today".
Ask co-workers or IT which channel The Food Network is on your computer.
Get a wireless doorbell button (without the actual receiver that chimes) and place it on your cubicle entry or at your desk and DEMAND that people use it before talking to you.
Before your next meeting, you and one or more co-workers pick from the following; cough, clear throat, sniff. Then pick a word that's not too common, something like "we" or "I", or if there is a meeting topic you can use that word. Then during the meeting each of you has to cough, clear your throat or sniff after anyone says the word.
Make one of your desk items, like your stapler, your pet and give it a water bowl.
Get a blank peice of paper and write "DO NOT TURN OVER" on it and place it next to the printer then watch how many people torment themselves wanting to, but not turning it over.
Write VACATION across every day of the current month on your desk calandar, when people ask why you aren't on vacation tell them you are.
Get a picture of a keyboard or adding machine open on your computer screen and whenever anyone comes by pretend you have a touch screen computer.
Create an auto-response in your email for co-workers that replies "I work in the same office as you, are you THAT lazy that you couldn't just come tell me this?!"
The scary thing is that I have actually done a few of these and often it works to make me happy, but sadly piss others off.
Anyway, here is my list;
Just to drive them nuts, send a blank fax to a co-worker's telephone #.
When the person in the next cube goes on break, unplug their mouse.
Find a pad of the "While You Were Out" message pads and write "you weren't here" on them and leave them at people's desks.
Wait until everyone leaves, or come in early and pop off all the letter keys of someone's keyboard and rearrange them.
Hand out "bathroom passes" to employee's and tell them, "This is the only one you get today".
Ask co-workers or IT which channel The Food Network is on your computer.
Get a wireless doorbell button (without the actual receiver that chimes) and place it on your cubicle entry or at your desk and DEMAND that people use it before talking to you.
Before your next meeting, you and one or more co-workers pick from the following; cough, clear throat, sniff. Then pick a word that's not too common, something like "we" or "I", or if there is a meeting topic you can use that word. Then during the meeting each of you has to cough, clear your throat or sniff after anyone says the word.
Make one of your desk items, like your stapler, your pet and give it a water bowl.
Get a blank peice of paper and write "DO NOT TURN OVER" on it and place it next to the printer then watch how many people torment themselves wanting to, but not turning it over.
Write VACATION across every day of the current month on your desk calandar, when people ask why you aren't on vacation tell them you are.
Get a picture of a keyboard or adding machine open on your computer screen and whenever anyone comes by pretend you have a touch screen computer.
Create an auto-response in your email for co-workers that replies "I work in the same office as you, are you THAT lazy that you couldn't just come tell me this?!"
Thursday, February 4, 2010
"Blank" History Month
I want to understand something and I hope someone out there can help me out.
Everyone, regardless of Race, Gender, Sexual preference, religion and so on, is Equal. This is a statement that the government, businesses, schools, public groups, and society as a whole want us to agree with and support. I get that and I think it's a great way to live life. There should be no judgements of others based on these groups. It's what made America the destination location of MILLIONS of people all over the world.
With that in mind I offer up the following;
NAACP: Organization that works for the betterment of Black Americans
GLAD: Organization that works for the betterment of Gay and Lesbian Americans
NOW: Organization that works for the betterment of Women in America
All organizations established to raise awaremenss of these groups equality in America
We also have;
Black History Month: This month was established to celebrate the contributions Black's have made to America over the years.
Women's History Month: This month was established to celebrate the contributions Women have made to America over the years.
Asian Pacific American Heritage Month: This month was established to celebrate the contributions Asian and Pacific Americans have made to America over the years.
There are many more state and localized "___" History month, or week and I'm sure you can guess what they all celebrate.
My point is simply this; Why separate yourself as a group from society in order to establish yourself as an important part of society? I understand that MANY groups have been treated poorly and these groups and special heritage months were established to educate people that were otherwise
ignorant or intollerant.
Here's what I would like to propose; IAAM (I am).
IAAM is open to all people. It does not matter if you are black, asian, white, or purple. It does not matter if you're a man, woman, dog or otherwise. You can even be any religion and can screw any gender you choose.
IAAM supports young and old, employed or unemployed. IAAM even recognizes legal and illegal residents.
I have to admit that I believe I am the most qualified to lead IAAM.
First of all, it's my idea. Second, I'm the one who came up with the rules and guidelines.
You see, IAAM is the International Acceptance of Assholes Movement. ANYONE can be an asshole, and many people often are. Almost all of the organizations above have shown that they are assholes themselves by not accepting other races, genders or beliefs into their groups. GREAT! I guess that means they already accept the basic principals of IAAM in that it is recognized that ANYONE can be an asshole.
I honestly feel that Assholes are trated unfairly.
Think about it, there is blatant discrimination here;
"Don't invite him! He's an asshole!"
"We can't hire him, he's an asshole."
"I don't care how hard he works, I'm not giving him a raise because he's an asshole."
I know that lots of people will say, "It's their own fault. They shouldn't be assholes!" Really? That doesn't work with anyone else;
You can't ask a black person not be black.
You can't tell a gay person not to be gay.
Hell, we even have special groups for people who are "Slow", or as the PC world has taught (forced) us to say, learning disabled.
To sum everything up, we cannot be mean to, discriminate against, or otherwise dislike someone just because they are Male or Female, any certain race, have any religious or sexual preference, or even if they are stupid but we CAN discrimiate against them if they are assholes? It's often the fault of all of these other people that people become assholes in the first place. They are lucky we aren't suing them for CAUSING our condition.
I understand it's a radical view that will take time to catch on, which is why I propose IAAM. After all, it's not that this isn't a popular view, it's just that not many assholes out there have the courage to say it out loud.
Everyone, regardless of Race, Gender, Sexual preference, religion and so on, is Equal. This is a statement that the government, businesses, schools, public groups, and society as a whole want us to agree with and support. I get that and I think it's a great way to live life. There should be no judgements of others based on these groups. It's what made America the destination location of MILLIONS of people all over the world.
With that in mind I offer up the following;
NAACP: Organization that works for the betterment of Black Americans
GLAD: Organization that works for the betterment of Gay and Lesbian Americans
NOW: Organization that works for the betterment of Women in America
All organizations established to raise awaremenss of these groups equality in America
We also have;
Black History Month: This month was established to celebrate the contributions Black's have made to America over the years.
Women's History Month: This month was established to celebrate the contributions Women have made to America over the years.
Asian Pacific American Heritage Month: This month was established to celebrate the contributions Asian and Pacific Americans have made to America over the years.
There are many more state and localized "___" History month, or week and I'm sure you can guess what they all celebrate.
My point is simply this; Why separate yourself as a group from society in order to establish yourself as an important part of society? I understand that MANY groups have been treated poorly and these groups and special heritage months were established to educate people that were otherwise
Here's what I would like to propose; IAAM (I am).
IAAM is open to all people. It does not matter if you are black, asian, white, or purple. It does not matter if you're a man, woman, dog or otherwise. You can even be any religion and can screw any gender you choose.
IAAM supports young and old, employed or unemployed. IAAM even recognizes legal and illegal residents.
I have to admit that I believe I am the most qualified to lead IAAM.
First of all, it's my idea. Second, I'm the one who came up with the rules and guidelines.You see, IAAM is the International Acceptance of Assholes Movement. ANYONE can be an asshole, and many people often are. Almost all of the organizations above have shown that they are assholes themselves by not accepting other races, genders or beliefs into their groups. GREAT! I guess that means they already accept the basic principals of IAAM in that it is recognized that ANYONE can be an asshole.
I honestly feel that Assholes are trated unfairly.
Think about it, there is blatant discrimination here;
"Don't invite him! He's an asshole!"
"We can't hire him, he's an asshole."
"I don't care how hard he works, I'm not giving him a raise because he's an asshole."
I know that lots of people will say, "It's their own fault. They shouldn't be assholes!" Really? That doesn't work with anyone else;
You can't ask a black person not be black.
You can't tell a gay person not to be gay.
Hell, we even have special groups for people who are "Slow", or as the PC world has taught (forced) us to say, learning disabled.
To sum everything up, we cannot be mean to, discriminate against, or otherwise dislike someone just because they are Male or Female, any certain race, have any religious or sexual preference, or even if they are stupid but we CAN discrimiate against them if they are assholes? It's often the fault of all of these other people that people become assholes in the first place. They are lucky we aren't suing them for CAUSING our condition.
I understand it's a radical view that will take time to catch on, which is why I propose IAAM. After all, it's not that this isn't a popular view, it's just that not many assholes out there have the courage to say it out loud.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Towers, Underwear Bombs, and Party Crashers- Oh MY!
I'm going to let you all (yes, all two of you) know that I work out at least 4 times a week. My gym, like almost every other, has multiple T.V.'s all tuned to local or national news stations. Like cows in a field watching a passing train, if you are stuck on a treadmill or eliptical for more than 5 minutes, you will eventually end up staring at the only object more interesting than the wall or the rolls of fat jiggleing on the guy in front of you; the T.V.s. It's not that I'm someone who thinks T.V. is a modern day evil, I just think that like chocolate and alcohol, it should be used in moderation before it causes a coma or insanity.
Sadly, exercising in a gym means being trapped for the duration of your exercise routine and thusly, exposed to the "idiot box" as well. I've come to find that watching the news is even less informing than watching infomercials or music videos. "Why?" you might ask, if there was a you, or if you cared to know; well, the new is cyclical, repeating the same nonsense over and over, and often, incorrectly. They are in such a hurry to get you the latest information that they seldom stop to check that the information they are reporting is accurate or even important. As proof, I offer you "Balloon Boy". I decided to actually "READ" the story and found a tidbit about how the family had been on the wife swap show and how the father had been in the news once before for one of his wacky inventions and almost immediately decided that it was all a bunch of crap and even went so far as telling a coworker that I thought so. No one in the media would say this because if the kid HAD been in there they would have looked like schmucks, besides, they were getting VIEWERS, so why not report is as a terrible emergency.
Now we have the "Underwear Bomber";
this tool gets on a plane with more than just his own shit in his drawers and days later we have experts coming on T.V. telling us how he did it, where he's from, what we should do to prevent stuff like this in the future... blah, blah, blah. If these clowns are experts, why hasn't the FAA, FBI, CIA or whomever hired them. Also, since it was an ongoing investigation, they were talking about what MIGHT have occurred! The official information hadn't been released yet.
"We have Bob McFuddledick, a former pyrotechnics expert for Whitesnake here with us today; Bob, based on what you know, review with us how this terrorist attempt might have occurred." "Thanks Sally. From what I've heard, he lit his pants on fire, what that means to me is he might have swallowed gasoline just before going into the airport and then once on the plane, urinated into his underwear, after having eaten C4 hours earlier, he then pooped that out and then tried to light it all on fire." "Very scary stuff, thanks Bob."
Yes, that's an exageration, but honestly, I saw one of the news shows get an "expert" on to tell us how the explosive the guy had worked and what it "could" have done, but they then stated that they didn't know how much of the explosive the guy even had! It's like saying "if he had one of the bombs from Spy vs. Spy he could..
"
Morons!
Then I get updates on who's the latest idiot to sneak into the White House (they used to be upset that people donated to stay in the Lincoln Room-HA), and what nations are buidling crap that no one will use! Over and over again. Every hour on the hour.
I'll just watch infomercials from now on, at least they are only overstating exactly how amazing their $2 peice of crap is, not trying to tell me that I can fly with the "sham wow" as a cape... can I...?
Sadly, exercising in a gym means being trapped for the duration of your exercise routine and thusly, exposed to the "idiot box" as well. I've come to find that watching the news is even less informing than watching infomercials or music videos. "Why?" you might ask, if there was a you, or if you cared to know; well, the new is cyclical, repeating the same nonsense over and over, and often, incorrectly. They are in such a hurry to get you the latest information that they seldom stop to check that the information they are reporting is accurate or even important. As proof, I offer you "Balloon Boy". I decided to actually "READ" the story and found a tidbit about how the family had been on the wife swap show and how the father had been in the news once before for one of his wacky inventions and almost immediately decided that it was all a bunch of crap and even went so far as telling a coworker that I thought so. No one in the media would say this because if the kid HAD been in there they would have looked like schmucks, besides, they were getting VIEWERS, so why not report is as a terrible emergency.
Now we have the "Underwear Bomber";
this tool gets on a plane with more than just his own shit in his drawers and days later we have experts coming on T.V. telling us how he did it, where he's from, what we should do to prevent stuff like this in the future... blah, blah, blah. If these clowns are experts, why hasn't the FAA, FBI, CIA or whomever hired them. Also, since it was an ongoing investigation, they were talking about what MIGHT have occurred! The official information hadn't been released yet.
"We have Bob McFuddledick, a former pyrotechnics expert for Whitesnake here with us today; Bob, based on what you know, review with us how this terrorist attempt might have occurred." "Thanks Sally. From what I've heard, he lit his pants on fire, what that means to me is he might have swallowed gasoline just before going into the airport and then once on the plane, urinated into his underwear, after having eaten C4 hours earlier, he then pooped that out and then tried to light it all on fire." "Very scary stuff, thanks Bob."
Yes, that's an exageration, but honestly, I saw one of the news shows get an "expert" on to tell us how the explosive the guy had worked and what it "could" have done, but they then stated that they didn't know how much of the explosive the guy even had! It's like saying "if he had one of the bombs from Spy vs. Spy he could..
"
Morons!
Then I get updates on who's the latest idiot to sneak into the White House (they used to be upset that people donated to stay in the Lincoln Room-HA), and what nations are buidling crap that no one will use! Over and over again. Every hour on the hour.
I'll just watch infomercials from now on, at least they are only overstating exactly how amazing their $2 peice of crap is, not trying to tell me that I can fly with the "sham wow" as a cape... can I...?
Friday, December 18, 2009
The REAL Christmas Story!
The Celebration of Christmas should have deep meaning to us all, as it is a celebration of how Santa Clause beat Jesus. You see, Jesus was some guy who went around casting magic spells, making people feel bad about who they were, and telling them what to do so his dad wouldn’t kill them. Santa thought this guy was a jerk, because, as we all know, Santa is a cool guy, who laughs 
all the time, and likes to eat, drink, and give people stuff—generally, a pretty happy guy.
So anyway, Santa, and all the other cool people liked to party around the end of the year, so they could build a big fire, eat, and party really late. They always had this party on the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice, that way they had a nice early evening, and could sleep late without the friggin sun waking them up too early. Well, Jesus, having never been invited to the party, decided to have his own party. Only a few people, like 12 or so of his friends showed up, and this really pissed Jesus off. Everyone told him that he was just trying to steal Santa’s thunder, so not wanting to look like a jerk, he said- “No, what I really want is for everyone to come to my Birthday party, it’s on December 25th- after Santa’s party.” Since Jesus was really not a “party” guy, no one actually knew when Jesus’ actual birthday was, so they just decided to go with it. Even though Jesus said his party was for his birthday, people still didn’t really want to go, so Jesus had to use his dad’s influence again. See, Jesus’ dad invented a business called RELIGION, and using religion as a weapon was just as popular then as it is now.
So now, a lot more people HAD to go to Jesus’ party or their bosses and other people who thought they were better then everyone else would constantly give them crap for not being nice to a guy that none of them really knew. This worked out really well for Jesus, because he started getting a lot more attention, and more people realized that using religion as a weapon could get you a lot of power.
Santa started noticing that a lot of the guys he used to party with had recently started to turn into real assholes. They were busy telling other people how to live, and how to feel, and that it seemed they had really forgotten how to have a good time. Santa really didn’t care that Jesus had horned in on his party time, but he really wanted everybody to lighten up, and enjoy themselves. He decided that rather than fight back, he’d try and lighten up the mood and go to Jesus’ party too.
Santa went to Jesus’ party, and brought Jesus a present. Jesus thought this was pretty cool, and let Santa stay, he even let Santa put his sleeping bag under a tree in his yard over by the fire. Well, everybody really started having fun, and Jesus was even making wine out of water, so things were really going well. That’s when it happened. Santa, being the cool guy he was, opened his sleeping bag up, and started handing out some other presents he had brought for some his friends that he hadn’t seen in a while. Now Jesus started to get pissed.
Every now and then, when no one was looking, Jesus would throw something at Santa. He would throw a cup or some silverware at Santa, but he kept missing him, and it all was all getting stuck in the tree. After a few minutes, people started noticing how cool the tree where Santa was looked really cool! They all came over and looked at the mass of stuff that Christ had thrown in the tree. They kept saying how nice it was that Jesus had decorated the tree for Santa, and they called it “Christ’s Mass of Stuff Tree”. That just sent Jesus over the top!! He ran over kicked Santa out, cut down the tree, and threw it at Santa. Jesus told him, “Take your friggin tree, and stuff it! I don’t every want to see you, or any of your friends again!” That was a pretty sad night, for everybody, because they all really liked Santa, but they knew that all the people that had gotten powerful in the Religion business would never go against Jesus and his dad. Plus his dad had franchised out the Religion business, and now there were at least 5 or 6 other Religion businesses out there, that were taking over the local communities, kinda like Wal-Mart.
Anyway, Santa didn’t want to put his friends in a bad situation so he left. He decided to move, up to the North Pole, where it’s dark all winter, making for a better party, and he took a bunch of midgets with him, because, as everybody knows midgets are always fun to party with. After a few years, Santa heard that one of Jesus’ competitors in the Religion business got tired of him being a know it all, and took him out. This made Santa sad, because he knew, that all Jesus really wanted was to be cool, and accepted. This gave him an idea.
Santa decided that every year, on Jesus’ birthday, even if it wasn’t really his birthday, he would go to their old friends houses, and in the middle of the night, sneak in, and set up Christ’s Mass tree, with all the decorations, and under it, put their birthday presents from that year. Even though Santa did this on Jesus’ birthday, everyone remembered how cool Santa always was, and figured that even though the date of the party had changed, the reason to party was still there, and they figured that if the religious people wanted to think they were partying for JC, who cared, as long as they could get presents, get drunk, and have fun, who cared!!
See everyone thinks Christmas and Santa is just for kids, and that’s why I’m telling you this story. just like Santa, I want you all to lighten up and have fun. And I mean, think about it, there’s a moral to this story, and that is;
Why spend all year telling people what to do, and making them feel bad for themselves, when you can chill out, be cool and party. Only the good die young—Santa’s still here isn’t he? You don’t see kids sitting on Jesus’ lap at the mall do ya?
all the time, and likes to eat, drink, and give people stuff—generally, a pretty happy guy. So anyway, Santa, and all the other cool people liked to party around the end of the year, so they could build a big fire, eat, and party really late. They always had this party on the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice, that way they had a nice early evening, and could sleep late without the friggin sun waking them up too early. Well, Jesus, having never been invited to the party, decided to have his own party. Only a few people, like 12 or so of his friends showed up, and this really pissed Jesus off. Everyone told him that he was just trying to steal Santa’s thunder, so not wanting to look like a jerk, he said- “No, what I really want is for everyone to come to my Birthday party, it’s on December 25th- after Santa’s party.” Since Jesus was really not a “party” guy, no one actually knew when Jesus’ actual birthday was, so they just decided to go with it. Even though Jesus said his party was for his birthday, people still didn’t really want to go, so Jesus had to use his dad’s influence again. See, Jesus’ dad invented a business called RELIGION, and using religion as a weapon was just as popular then as it is now.
So now, a lot more people HAD to go to Jesus’ party or their bosses and other people who thought they were better then everyone else would constantly give them crap for not being nice to a guy that none of them really knew. This worked out really well for Jesus, because he started getting a lot more attention, and more people realized that using religion as a weapon could get you a lot of power.
Santa started noticing that a lot of the guys he used to party with had recently started to turn into real assholes. They were busy telling other people how to live, and how to feel, and that it seemed they had really forgotten how to have a good time. Santa really didn’t care that Jesus had horned in on his party time, but he really wanted everybody to lighten up, and enjoy themselves. He decided that rather than fight back, he’d try and lighten up the mood and go to Jesus’ party too.
Santa went to Jesus’ party, and brought Jesus a present. Jesus thought this was pretty cool, and let Santa stay, he even let Santa put his sleeping bag under a tree in his yard over by the fire. Well, everybody really started having fun, and Jesus was even making wine out of water, so things were really going well. That’s when it happened. Santa, being the cool guy he was, opened his sleeping bag up, and started handing out some other presents he had brought for some his friends that he hadn’t seen in a while. Now Jesus started to get pissed.
Every now and then, when no one was looking, Jesus would throw something at Santa. He would throw a cup or some silverware at Santa, but he kept missing him, and it all was all getting stuck in the tree. After a few minutes, people started noticing how cool the tree where Santa was looked really cool! They all came over and looked at the mass of stuff that Christ had thrown in the tree. They kept saying how nice it was that Jesus had decorated the tree for Santa, and they called it “Christ’s Mass of Stuff Tree”. That just sent Jesus over the top!! He ran over kicked Santa out, cut down the tree, and threw it at Santa. Jesus told him, “Take your friggin tree, and stuff it! I don’t every want to see you, or any of your friends again!” That was a pretty sad night, for everybody, because they all really liked Santa, but they knew that all the people that had gotten powerful in the Religion business would never go against Jesus and his dad. Plus his dad had franchised out the Religion business, and now there were at least 5 or 6 other Religion businesses out there, that were taking over the local communities, kinda like Wal-Mart.
Anyway, Santa didn’t want to put his friends in a bad situation so he left. He decided to move, up to the North Pole, where it’s dark all winter, making for a better party, and he took a bunch of midgets with him, because, as everybody knows midgets are always fun to party with. After a few years, Santa heard that one of Jesus’ competitors in the Religion business got tired of him being a know it all, and took him out. This made Santa sad, because he knew, that all Jesus really wanted was to be cool, and accepted. This gave him an idea.
Santa decided that every year, on Jesus’ birthday, even if it wasn’t really his birthday, he would go to their old friends houses, and in the middle of the night, sneak in, and set up Christ’s Mass tree, with all the decorations, and under it, put their birthday presents from that year. Even though Santa did this on Jesus’ birthday, everyone remembered how cool Santa always was, and figured that even though the date of the party had changed, the reason to party was still there, and they figured that if the religious people wanted to think they were partying for JC, who cared, as long as they could get presents, get drunk, and have fun, who cared!!
See everyone thinks Christmas and Santa is just for kids, and that’s why I’m telling you this story. just like Santa, I want you all to lighten up and have fun. And I mean, think about it, there’s a moral to this story, and that is;
Why spend all year telling people what to do, and making them feel bad for themselves, when you can chill out, be cool and party. Only the good die young—Santa’s still here isn’t he? You don’t see kids sitting on Jesus’ lap at the mall do ya?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sick Co-workers
Why do sick co-workers try SO HARD to let you know they're sick? Hacking, coughing, and sniffleing their way around the office like they are part of some 3rd world country's Ms. Sickly 2009 pagent. I understand that people get sick, and I also understand that sometimes you can't help but cough or sneeze, but if you are a walking sack of mucus that is oozing and spurting all over, by all means, please stay home.
I will even donate a day of sick time just to avoid having to listen to your whining and various bodily rejections to illness, not to mention the benfit of not risking getting whatever crappy virus you were lucky enough to contract.
If someone was really sick enough to be "gross" (and yes, blowing your nose at your desk, hacking up a lung, or even kidney, and sniffing enough to make a reformed coke head go into withdrawls would be considered gross) then you shouldn't be at work for your own health, as well as your self respect.
If you work with me, I probably already don't like you anyway and showing up putrid and dripping infectious fluids certainly won't improve your image with me or anyone else.
I will even donate a day of sick time just to avoid having to listen to your whining and various bodily rejections to illness, not to mention the benfit of not risking getting whatever crappy virus you were lucky enough to contract.
If someone was really sick enough to be "gross" (and yes, blowing your nose at your desk, hacking up a lung, or even kidney, and sniffing enough to make a reformed coke head go into withdrawls would be considered gross) then you shouldn't be at work for your own health, as well as your self respect.
If you work with me, I probably already don't like you anyway and showing up putrid and dripping infectious fluids certainly won't improve your image with me or anyone else.
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