The REAL Christmas Story!

The Celebration of Christmas should have deep meaning to us all, as it is a celebration of how Santa Clause beat Jesus. You see, Jesus was some guy who went around casting magic spells, making people feel bad about who they were, and telling them what to do so his dad wouldn’t kill them. Santa thought this guy was a jerk, because, as we all know, Santa is a cool guy, who laughs all the time, and likes to eat, drink, and give people stuff—generally, a pretty happy guy.

So anyway, Santa, and all the other cool people liked to party around the end of the year, so they could build a big fire, eat, and party really late. They always had this party on the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice, that way they had a nice early evening, and could sleep late without the friggin sun waking them up too early. Well, Jesus, having never been invited to the party, decided to have his own party. Only a few people, like 12 or so of his friends showed up, and this really pissed Jesus off. Everyone told him that he was just trying to steal Santa’s thunder, so not wanting to look like a jerk, he said- “No, what I really want is for everyone to come to my Birthday party, it’s on December 25th- after Santa’s party.” Since Jesus was really not a “party” guy, no one actually knew when Jesus’ actual birthday was, so they just decided to go with it. Even though Jesus said his party was for his birthday, people still didn’t really want to go, so Jesus had to use his dad’s influence again. See, Jesus’ dad invented a business called RELIGION, and using religion as a weapon was just as popular then as it is now.

So now, a lot more people HAD to go to Jesus’ party or their bosses and other people who thought they were better then everyone else would constantly give them crap for not being nice to a guy that none of them really knew. This worked out really well for Jesus, because he started getting a lot more attention, and more people realized that using religion as a weapon could get you a lot of power.

Santa started noticing that a lot of the guys he used to party with had recently started to turn into real assholes. They were busy telling other people how to live, and how to feel, and that it seemed they had really forgotten how to have a good time. Santa really didn’t care that Jesus had horned in on his party time, but he really wanted everybody to lighten up, and enjoy themselves. He decided that rather than fight back, he’d try and lighten up the mood and go to Jesus’ party too.

Santa went to Jesus’ party, and brought Jesus a present. Jesus thought this was pretty cool, and let Santa stay, he even let Santa put his sleeping bag under a tree in his yard over by the fire. Well, everybody really started having fun, and Jesus was even making wine out of water, so things were really going well. That’s when it happened. Santa, being the cool guy he was, opened his sleeping bag up, and started handing out some other presents he had brought for some his friends that he hadn’t seen in a while. Now Jesus started to get pissed.


Every now and then, when no one was looking, Jesus would throw something at Santa. He would throw a cup or some silverware at Santa, but he kept missing him, and it all was all getting stuck in the tree. After a few minutes, people started noticing how cool the tree where Santa was looked really cool! They all came over and looked at the mass of stuff that Christ had thrown in the tree. They kept saying how nice it was that Jesus had decorated the tree for Santa, and they called it “Christ’s Mass of Stuff Tree”. That just sent Jesus over the top!! He ran over kicked Santa out, cut down the tree, and threw it at Santa. Jesus told him, “Take your friggin tree, and stuff it! I don’t every want to see you, or any of your friends again!” That was a pretty sad night, for everybody, because they all really liked Santa, but they knew that all the people that had gotten powerful in the Religion business would never go against Jesus and his dad. Plus his dad had franchised out the Religion business, and now there were at least 5 or 6 other Religion businesses out there, that were taking over the local communities, kinda like Wal-Mart.

Anyway, Santa didn’t want to put his friends in a bad situation so he left. He decided to move, up to the North Pole, where it’s dark all winter, making for a better party, and he took a bunch of midgets with him, because, as everybody knows midgets are always fun to party with. After a few years, Santa heard that one of Jesus’ competitors in the Religion business got tired of him being a know it all, and took him out. This made Santa sad, because he knew, that all Jesus really wanted was to be cool, and accepted. This gave him an idea.

Santa decided that every year, on Jesus’ birthday, even if it wasn’t really his birthday, he would go to their old friends houses, and in the middle of the night, sneak in, and set up Christ’s Mass tree, with all the decorations, and under it, put their birthday presents from that year. Even though Santa did this on Jesus’ birthday, everyone remembered how cool Santa always was, and figured that even though the date of the party had changed, the reason to party was still there, and they figured that if the religious people wanted to think they were partying for JC, who cared, as long as they could get presents, get drunk, and have fun, who cared!!

See everyone thinks Christmas and Santa is just for kids, and that’s why I’m telling you this story. just like Santa, I want you all to lighten up and have fun. And I mean, think about it, there’s a moral to this story, and that is;

Why spend all year telling people what to do, and making them feel bad for themselves, when you can chill out, be cool and party. Only the good die young—Santa’s still here isn’t he? You don’t see kids sitting on Jesus’ lap at the mall do ya?

Sick Co-workers

Why do sick co-workers try SO HARD to let you know they're sick? Hacking, coughing, and sniffleing their way around the office like they are part of some 3rd world country's Ms. Sickly 2009 pagent. I understand that people get sick, and I also understand that sometimes you can't help but cough or sneeze, but if you are a walking sack of mucus that is oozing and spurting all over, by all means, please stay home.

I will even donate a day of sick time just to avoid having to listen to your whining and various bodily rejections to illness, not to mention the benfit of not risking getting whatever crappy virus you were lucky enough to contract.
If someone was really sick enough to be "gross" (and yes, blowing your nose at your desk, hacking up a lung, or even kidney, and sniffing enough to make a reformed coke head go into withdrawls would be considered gross) then you shouldn't be at work for your own health, as well as your self respect.

If you work with me, I probably already don't like you anyway and showing up putrid and dripping infectious fluids certainly won't improve your image with me or anyone else.

Denver weather,...or rather whether

I don't want to take ANYTHING away from my buddy Flip at the FireKathySabine blog (http://http://firekathysabine.blogspot.com/) but I really want to comment on the titillation and excitement that the news stations in Denver go through to cover the weather. O.K., Flip isn't really my buddy; actually I really just like his blog,... and occasionally stalk him. Aside from that, I feel pretty confident that if he ever decided to step out of his cardboard box when I was lurking nearby, we would probably get along and he would welcome my borderline plagiarism.



It's gonna snow! Not sure if you picked up on that, but hey- Mike Nelson started the sleigh ride well before the 5 P.M. news yesterday.



I watched Ed Green dance around making an actual prediction of amounts and/or intensity of the storm, and even at 9 P.M., 9News wasn't really ga ga about it and again said that there would be "the possibility of heavy snow". SCREW ALL OF YOU AMATURES!!! Mike Nelson said he expected up to a foot of snow for the Front Range foothills and Western Denver, and he said it well before the NOAA weather forecast did.



My point in all of this is very simple. (Yes, that's a sentence) Meteorologists are people (usually) who study the science of weather and weather forecasting. They are supposed to get readings from fancy, expensive instruments and measure moisture flow and movements of storm systems to make a SCIENTIFIC PREDICTION of the weather. Most of the talking weather heads in the Denver Metro just mimic what NOAA weather forecasters post. Why pay some pancake makeup smeared tart or chump $150K or more a year to report what anyone can look up on-line in 2 minutes. Not our boy Mike! He went out on a limb and it looks like he's hit the mark.



I'm not a Fanboy of any particular weather person, or television station. I am however, someone who thinks that thousands of Coloradans watch the weather to find out what's supposed to happen within the next 24 to 48 hours and don't want the people giving the information to dance around the issue for fear of being wrong, or for telling us what some don't want to hear. (I swear if I hear them bitch about it being "nasty snowy and cold" again I will break my T.V.) Do your job, evaluate the data, make a prediction and let it fly. If you're wrong, it's no big deal- everyone is from time to time. If you're 9News and can't predict moisture to come from a garden hose, then maybe you should try to hire professional meteorologists to handle the weather and not professional paycheck cashers.

Pay Day!!

For millions of Americans, Friday is Pay Day. No today, for me personally, as I get paid every other Friday, but still... well, you get the point. Anyway, since it's now 30 minutes past noon, I'd be willing to bet that almost half of those that get the week to week check have already spent most, if not all of it, or soon will. This ALSO got me thinking about what we're all "paid". Lets take me for example. I work for the government, the Federal government. When they hired me, they agreed to pay me $20.00 an hour (no, that's not the real amount, but that's none of your business anyway- this is an example).
Now, if I work 40 hours a week and get paid every two weeks I should get $1,600 every other Friday (Seriously, MY personal pay isn't the issue, just follow along for God's sake!).
I agreed to have my personal health, life and dental insurance deducted from my check, so lets say they take out $150.00 for that (don't start...), and another $50 I elected to go to my retirement. That leaves $1,400 net, right? Wrong! As we all know, we have to pay taxes. ....... Wait for it..... that's right, we "pay" taxes.

Think about it for a moment or two. You have to pay for groceries, you have to pay for your car or truck, and you have to pay for your cell phone. This means that you GET something, and pay for it, or elect to BUY something and pay for it. That is what "PAY"-ing for something usually means. Taxes on the other hand are TAKEN from your income. We do not "pay" taxes. We never even get the benefit of actually having the money to "pay" in the first place. The government, both state and federal actually get your money BEFORE YOU DO! Did we suddenly agree to protection from the Mob or something?

Take this thought with you as you spend the last few dollars of your well deserved, hard earned paycheck; the average American looses 18% of their pay to taxes to fund the Government and Government sponsored policies including the recent Bail-outs and the payroll for elected officials. Since we choose and pay for the Government officials, just like groceries,... why can't we get a refund when they go bad or are no good?

Communication Upgrades;

Communication has really transcended from where it was just 10 or 20 years ago, and it's important for EVERYONE to keep up. When is the last time you or anyone you know sent a letter to a relative? I think my wife and I sent thank you cards to her parents after a recent visit, but no actual letter. I'd be willing to bet if you reviewed your communication with family and friends over a 1 week period you'd likely find that you sent more emails, IM's, or text messages to them than number of calls to all of them. I don't mean to imply that's bad; on the contrary, I think it's a good thing. Most kids would loathe a conversation or call from mom or dad telling them when to be home, to be safe, to be sure and "call when you get there" and that's the funny thing; we not only don't like having to tell you these things, but we also don't want to hear the sighs and see the eye rolling when we do, so sending a text makes it all worthwhile.

I just realised that I was told every day "Be sure and call me when you get there!" I never really understood why, but I always did. Before my kids got cell phones, I did the same with them, now I'd rather give them a phone and just say "Go." When is the last time you told a child with a cell phone to call when they reach their destination? Is the impending doom or dangers that were out there prior to cell phones suddenly gone? For some reason we all feel better that they have a phone with them. I suppose we think they could scare off an attacker, "Stay back! I have a cell phone!"